“The incident in 2015 set a trigger. I began losing sleep. I threw up suddenly. I had frequent panic attacks. I couldn’t drive for months. But I decided to just ignore it, thinking I’d get better throughout the year. Which I did. Then they came haunting again last year but even severe. On Dec 21, I fell into the hole.
I was alone at home and got very anxious that early morning after a sleepless night, as usual, despite not sleeping the day before too. I thought I’d be more relaxed after performing my prayers at the surau and talking to my friends. I was desperate to calm myself, help me sleep, or just be gone. Nothing worked so I took the pills and began cutting myself.
I was found in time. I used to ask when can I recover from my Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. It’s been three months. Then six. I tried to convince myself then I was, am and will be normal. Until I slowly began to accept that I’m unwell mentally and I’m unlike the norm. Upon joining MIASA I saw that many people, too, are struggling and trying to survive. I’m not alone in this.
When we talk about mental health, it’s easy for people to focus on just depression but it’s more than that. For some, it’s easy to claim themselves as having depression but it’s more than that. Please get a professional diagnosis before you claim it. Because to me, it’s really a dark place for you to be in, and I don’t want that. “
