I had a falling out in a family dispute, where my parents wanted me to have an arranged marriage with some ustaz, wear the tudung and quit my studies. Of course, I didn’t want to, so I ran away from home, and that’s when my parents cut me off and disowned me.
To survive, I was desperate, and eventually found some babysitting jobs on the weekends that only paid RM800 a month.
I went searching for online jobs and came across Sugarbook.
After a couple of dates, I met my first real Sugar Daddy, who provided for my daily needs, including a car and accommodation, in return for being his companion – and with no sexual favors.
My Sugar Daddy helped me a LOT. My study loan (PTPTN) covered the tuition fee, but he supplemented my daily college expenses, and course fee assignments, as studying Design was not cheap.
He gave me a monthly allowance, food, a car, shopping money, and a few gym subscriptions. He also bought me a new laptop for my music hobbies, which all cost probably RM10,000 a month.
Also included was the studio apartment, plus a weekly wine supply. I always drank wine when I did my assignments (laughs).
I was studying for my degree in Design, and it was at that point my dad started being stingy with money because I had my PTPTN scholarship, and he chose to ignore giving an allowance – but it was barely sufficient.
On the other hand, my mom also stopped giving me money when I was warming up to my estranged dad after their divorce, around 2013.
I was looking for babysitting jobs when I saw this ad about Sugarbook. I didn’t like Tinder, so I Googled about Sugar Daddies and started reading up on them.
I signed up.
I was initially skeptical, but after talking with some sugar daddies, I discovered this was not a scam and that you could trust them.
It’s better than Tinder because, in Sugarbook, the guy expects the woman to be a lady and the guy to be a gentleman. On Tinder, you’re “expected” to sleep with them after they take you out for dinner. I thought Sugarbook was similar too, but it turns out you have a choice and don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.
Sugar daddies are more mature and gentlemanly, as they respect your choice (although most of them are married), but because they are married, they know how to handle women better and how to behave.
On the surface level, it looks transactional—that Beauty wants Money, and Money wants Beauty. But this has been like this for many years.
Science and history have proven that women biologically want to look for men who can provide and have resources. Women want a man who is a provider, and men want fertile, healthy-looking, beautiful women.
I started out with pay-per-meet (PPM) dates where they would normally bring me to dinner, then drinks at a bar, and if we can click, we’ll have a second and third date where I’ll head off to sleep over at their condo.
But I’ve purposefully only met up with 2-3 sugar daddies and charged RM400-600 for each meeting session, roughly making RM700 to RM1500 a month.
Then again, this was only because I was picky and saw only 2 sugar daddies at any one time.
I even had one Sugar Daddy who wanted to give me a car, marry me, give me any house I wanted, and give me lots of money, but I turned him down because he said I would have to obey him, and my freedom was restricted. I could not go out and had to be tied down to him.
How My Story Started
So this is how my story started. My parents were not giving me any money, and I was forced to do babysitting jobs to supplement my income and to survive in university. And that’s also when my parents found out that I was still not wearing the tudung (Islamic modesty scarf), and my dad said:
“If you don’t wear the tudung, I will marry you to an ustaz, and I want you to quit my studies.”
We obviously had disagreements, and my dad said that in Islam, you have to force yourself to pray and do good deeds, which I vehemently oppose, as I believe that religion should not coerce you to do things for heavenly gain, as it’s not sincere. I do appreciate the peaceful side of Islam.
Every weekend, I had to keep finding babysitting jobs, in-between classes.
After trying to balance my part-time job and my studies and working for too long, I experienced a mental breakdown.
Every time I faced an assignment, I cried. I couldn’t sleep; I couldn’t function properly. As time passed, I was absent from class for a week, and my lecturers and friends were looking for me.
I was depressed; I wasn’t in class, and I wasn’t even doing my job; I was just in my room the whole time.
My mom called and came by to ask what was wrong, and I broke down even more and just started crying.
I told her I was at the point where I was counting eggs, counting bread, and counting Maggi just to survive.
Growing up, I learned the hard way that money cannot buy love or support.
For me, it wasn’t the struggles of poverty or broke-ness that broke me; it was the lack of support and care from my own parents.
They had the means to provide for me, but they chose not to, leaving me to fend for myself in a world that constantly knocked me down.
My parents were far from broke, driving a BMW and going on trips to Korea, while I struggled to survive.
My dad was a project manager for a German company in the electronics industry, and my mom was a consultant at a private institution.
Despite their high-paying jobs, they were kedekut (stingy) with their money and refused to help me when I needed it most.
I vividly remember when my mom asked me for money to pay off her debt and buy a car in my name, despite already having a car and being in debt herself. I realized then that I couldn’t rely on my parents for support and began to distance myself from them.
Eventually, my parents stopped giving me money altogether, leaving me to navigate the challenges of life on my own. Although it was a difficult time, it taught me the value of hard work and perseverance. I learned to rely on myself and found ways to make ends meet, despite the lack of support from my parents.
Then, in 2017, I dropped out of university.
My educational loan (PTPTN) covered the cost of my degree in Design but not the cost of my assignments. I wasn’t getting any financial aid from my parents, and they were pushing me to marry the much older man who was an Ustaz, so they wouldn’t have had to take care of me.
The strain was too much, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically.
I just dropped out because it was too much. I was severely depressed and had put off my studies far too many times.
The Sugar Daddy Who Saved Me
I had been visiting my sugar daddy at that point in 2016 for a full year.
My long-term sugar daddy gave me a studio apartment to stay in. A few months later, he announced his engagement, and I was forced to leave because their home was almost finished. I was 22 years old; they were Chinese, in their early 30s, and he had a fiancée.
He took me to an apartment block to show me the house on our second date, and I was impressed. And to me, if we match well, we can continue (further in our relationship).
We discussed our interests; he enjoys watching me do boxing, and I love martial arts and boxing. Actually, that was his kink in bed.
Instead of being a ‘sexually thrilling’ relationship, it felt more like a proper one. The monthly allowance covers transportation, study expenses, food expenditures, leisure and hobby costs, and rent, which is approximately RM10k. One of the random gifts he had also given me (to use) was a car.
What do I usually do with my allowance? I splurged on gym memberships, beauty treatments (especially dyeing my hair), shopping, and going out to parties.
He bought all the alcohol and offered to drop by if he wanted to because he was aware of my family circumstances and the fact that I didn’t want to go out drinking alone in bar.
He also bought me a gym membership at Monarchy MMA, which was quite expensive, and musical instruments (guitar and bass).
Being in an exclusive sugar dating arrangement, I would reserve my time for him since he gave me a monthly allowance.
When I told my friends I was a sugar baby, they said, “Ahh, aku agak dah.” (laughs).
He genuinely is there for me when I need him; he’s like a big brother to me; it wasn’t just about the bling.
I’m aware of his wealth and his ability to provide me with a Gucci handbag, but I still yearn for a friend and for him to be vulnerable with me. He helped me get through challenging times.
My mother took me to a psychiatric facility after I suffered a mental breakdown, and there I was given the stress-related diagnoses of anxiety and depression. He would see to it that I never missed a dose of my prescription, ate my meals on time, or brought groceries.
Being in an exclusive sugar dating arrangement, I would reserve my time for him if he gave me the monthly allowance.
We stopped having intimate contact fairly early on because we were not sexually compatible.
Even though we still cuddle, there is no longer any intimacy between us. We still hang out, I massage him when he is tired, and he still pays for my food. But we were not allowed to kiss because of his fiance, who was not comfortable with that.
Our arrangement ended when he finally got married – and I really wish him the best because he was like my best buddy.
From 2017 until now. I did see other sugar daddies, but no one was like him. Even now, I am still single. I do want to look for a relationship to settle down with. My best friend gave me a place to stay; I did odd jobs; and then COVID happened.
Now, though, when it comes to men, my bar is much higher. I’m more interested in guys who have fame and money.
Sugarbook allowed me to find a sugar daddy who was there for me when no one else wanted to be. I expected my parents to help me out. If I can find a sugar daddy who can give me the capital to start my own business and also provide guidance on how to do it, that would be great.
It was a fairy-tale relationship. It wasn’t as transactional as I thought it would be. It was something that money could not buy – the attention, the emotional support, and the care – those were priceless.
What’s The Difference Between A Prostitute & A Sugar Baby?
The question is: what makes a relationship transactional? It’s when you berkira. With a prostitute, they give you a figure, and they give you the girlfriend experience for one night with no strings attached.
But sugar dating—our relationships do have a financial understanding that the men provide, but they are truly looking for companionship and not just sex. If they had wanted just sex, they would have gone to a prostitute with no strings attached.
Sugar daddies really are lonely and want us sugar babies to spend quality time with them. They want to do fun things and feel young again.
As for us sugar babies, and any other women for that matter, of course, we want to feel pampered and appreciated, just like in any other relationship.
We spend money to look good—our clothes, our makeup, etc.—and the Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid guys just wants to have dinner and a quick fuck; but Sugar Daddies really want to be treated to quality company, not just sex.
And what makes Sugarbook any different than any other dating app? It’s the same! You meet, you go for dinner, and then you ‘Netflix and chill’. They then dump, block, and ghost you afterward when they’ve gotten what they wanted.
Not only that, but sugar daddies are looking for a girlfriend they can pamper. The word “sugar dating” only exists in how people perceive a relationship dynamic to be because women can sustain themselves without people asking why they need to get paid.
I would encourage others to try sugaring as well because, in the end, ask yourself, “What are you worth?”
Not how much—but what are you worth?
Think of the way you’ve been doing things by yourself; how would you want to be treated by a guy? You’ll find it on Sugarbook.
The key is to be honest and transparent with what you are looking for, and the daddies will appreciate it and won’t take it personally with what you both are looking for.
Being a sugar baby taught me that money can definitely make you happy. But what I also learned is that there are things money cannot buy, like friendship, and most of the guys on Sugarbook can appreciate these things that money cannot buy: sincerity, appreciation for you when you look nice, not taking you for granted, and all the little things.
