“My dad sees me as an investment. He wanted me to write a proposal about how much I’ll be spending for my degree and how many years I must pay him back for it. I screamed at him saying, “I’m not your investment and I’m not your shares!”. Then both of us got really upset.
So eventually, my mom paid for me because things were complicated. My parents got into a divorce eventually.
My dad used to be a very humble and hard-working man. They used to start a small business together. He was once in the “rags to riches” situation. But obviously money and business became his world so all my siblings, including myself, grew up in that environment. If it doesn’t earn money for the family, then why are you doing it? That has become the motto for them.
So, one day, he got into politics. He started treating us as if we didn’t exist anymore. He even got a position like a Dato’ or something so his ego grew even bigger.
Now, I don’t talk to my dad anymore. I have always hated him because he left us to China when I was 3 years old. He has his own business there. But last year he got into a coma. My mom had to support everything by herself. So, I thought, ‘If you didn’t want a family, why did you start one?’. I kind of hate him now but what can say? I know I shouldn’t hate my own father.
Last year, though, he got into a coma. His heartbeat stopped for like 2 minutes and then I started crying for him. It took me by surprise because I didn’t expect myself to have so much emotion for someone I haven’t seen in a long time. I can’t even call him papa or something like that. I still feel awkward if I meet him now.
But if I could change one thing about my childhood, I wish my family didn’t have a lot of money. I wish my dad never left Malaysia. I mean, yes, I appreciate all the privileges I had but maybe if he didn’t become rich, we would still be a happy family. And he wouldn’t become like this.
As for me, if I were to start a family someday, I’ll make sure I am capable of being with my family. I want to make sure I give them the life they deserve, the support, encouragement. Like being a complete family. Because to me, while divorce has become the norm, it does affect the children.
Now I think I hate money. These things happened to my family because of money. They got angry all the time, like if they don’t get money, it’s the end of the world for them”.
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Photo story by Mushamir Mustafa
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