“But to face the realization that the thing you’ve worked for your entire life might actually come to an end, it’s depressing…
It all started when I was twelve and out of boredom my family found this go-karting track in Sepang. I became hooked by it immediately and kept returning for more.
My dad enrolled me in a go-kart academy and in no time I was competing in my first local club go-kart race. Ever since then, I never looked back.
Before I started formula car racing, my weekdays were normal but on weekends I would be on trips to other countries like Macau, Thailand or the Philippines with the team to race competitively. I was leading a dual life and I felt like a superhero.
I entered my first formula car race when I was 17. It was the Asia Cup Series and I came out on top of some pretty big international names. I’ve stood on top of the podium having a Malaysian flag above my head, and that feeling is just priceless.
I thought I was set for something bigger after ranking the highest among Asians in my international formula car championship debut. I was even picked up by Porsche for a driver program, but things didn’t turn out as I expected.
I’ve taken leave from my formal education for 3 years now to pursue professional race car driving, but things are stagnating.
I haven’t been racing at all this year because I’ve reached a stage in my career where my family can’t afford it anymore. In this sport, money talks. This is worse as you progress higher. The people that gets the most practice are the ones who can afford it because they are really rich or well connected.
One day of practice will cost around USD 15,000, because one set of tyres is USD 1,000 and you can only use a set of tyres for 20 laps.
You actually get to see a performance disparity between the kids with money and the kids without (money). You’re part of the community where you see kids with private jets, they have their own islands, they have literally billions of dollars behind them, because their fathers are very wealthy businessmen.
If they are not very wealthy, they have parents who are politically important, very well connected and through that they’ll be able to get sponsorships. Unfortunately, even if you’re extremely talented but don’t have the money, you might not be able to make it.
People often overlook the other side of things and they just don’t understand how tough it is to follow your dreams and keep going.
There are moments on those sleepless nights when you would really think of just giving it all up. If it wasn’t for racing, I would be in university being a normal kid getting a degree and going through a normal cycle of life.
Instead, I chose to take this risk because I know if I don’t, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. It’s kind of bittersweet, because I would rather let it hurt me and have it beat me down than to end up saying ‘what if’. “
Editor’s note: The interview for this story was conducted in October 2016.
Photo and story by Mushamir Mustafa
Edited by Dao Hong, Amalina Davis and Yu Ping May
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