“She was obsessed in curing him and I think she got involved in some Kelantanese bomoh thing. I think somehow her obsession and all afflicted her mind.
It got worse in 2015 where the year I started Ombré (fashion stylist software that aims to give clothing or fashion suggestion to users based on their physique).
I experienced a lot of bad things and schizophrenia is something heart-breaking to see in a person you love.
In one instance she was very bad that I had to send her to the hospital because she was slapping people and didn’t eat for nearly a day. In this trip to the hospital, she screamed at me (“you anak derhaka”) and threw things at me while I was driving to the hospital. It was such a bad experience for me.
But one thing that I learned from my mom is that during the time I sent her to the hospital, when she was in bed, she finally got the chance to eat, and the first thing she did was to give food to me, like moms usually do, despite being mentally ill.
It was very heart-breaking for me. The thing I learned from that was: She’s being herself. That is what she does: she loves her son. Even in extreme conditions, she still loves her son. I think that made me feel that when I am trying to do a lot of things – people always try to control or contain me – and I think I need to reflect myself to know whether what I am doing is for the good thing.
The reason I am telling you this is because there was a lot of bad experiences in our businesses back then. In those times, I always think that whether what we’re doing is the right thing.
In my line of work, I need to be very firm with a lot of people. And because of that, sometimes I need to choose to between being the likeable person or the person who is doing the right thing. In most conditions, in my situation, it’s the opposite. I need to choose in doing the popular thing or doing the right thing.
This relates to my mother because even when she’s in bad conditions, for example when she has not eaten for a day, she’s still herself despite being in bad condition – being a mother, giving food to her son. So when I am burdened by a lot of hardships, I think I still need to remember to be myself.
From my view, if someone hasn’t eaten in nearly a day, and when they were presented with food, most people will eat it.
However for my mother, she gave it to me. Despite calling me names and throwing things at me before.
The reason being (calling names and throwing things) was because she wasn’t herself. But herself was that she is a mother who loves her children. For me, I would bet 80{eb97150a49149dc6c9e8165e90f1c9129bb6172e02a598b4264a1fc329d7d5bc} of people in that situation would just eat. But my mother gave it to me despite being mentally ill (and have not eaten for nearly a day).
My mother is okay now, she is under medication. I don’t think there is a cure for schizophrenia but her symptoms are controlled. Previously, she was hallucinating. She doesn’t see hallucinations anymore.
Another example of moments with my mother was that she talks to herself. She only talks to herself when she’s not aware that someone is there. Sometimes she is in her room and she didn’t notice I was there, and she’s talking to herself. I wasn’t afraid – more of sad.
An advice to those having familial members with mental disorders / illness: I think we need to remember what is our desired outcome.
For example, when I was driving to the hospital and my mother was shouting, “you anak derhaka” and throwing things at me, at that moment I asked myself : “what is my outcome? Was my outcome to make sure my mother gets better or for me to entertain my emotions?”
If I were to entertain my emotions, I would have stopped there and cried because that was what I wanted to do emotionally. But rationally, I wanted her (my mother) to get better.
You will always need to think what is the outcome that you want. If your outcome is for your parents (or family member) to get better then do things that will result in that outcome. It’s hard I think but it is the way it is.
My mother is best mentor. She didn’t say much but what I learned from her was to be yourself even if you are so sick – you be yourself and do what you can.
In her case, loving her children. In my case, I want to create things that can basically disrupt an industry and I will do that even when I am sick. No doubt. So my one thing in life: is to disrupt.
And my mother’s one thing – was loving her children”.
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(This post was first published on August 11th 2018)
